I thought I knew what doctor we would be working with. I spent so much time trying to chose one before we spoke to them that I put it out of my mind we might chose to go elsewhere. Everything seemed fine at the first one but under the excitement, has been this stress weighing down on me. I am a little controlling so I have a difficult time asking Brian for help or advice until I am above and beyond my stress limit. That is where I have been the last week and a half (especially with a move coming up). When I finally started talking to him about it he told me to take 12 hours of NOT working on stuff. I couldn't even talk about it. It was very difficult but I woke the next morning with a rejuvenated mindset.
I basically just started over. I found a clinic in Arizona that I really liked the feel of the writting on their web site. I liked the thought process that the doctor took in all areas I read about. I spoke to the doctor and scheduled a Skype consult. It isn't for a couple of weeks because of scheduling, but I am so confident about this doctor and I am suddenly excited again, because it seems within reach, where before it just seemed like an almost impossible goal. Lets hope it really is where we are meant to go.
All of this... every twist and turn is just taking us to the baby that is meant to bless our lives. Everything has to line up the correct way to make sure the egg that is our baby is harvested at the right time.
This is the picture I saw. I needed a job and was looking all over including an online resale community on base. So, I contacted Caryn. We met one morning at their house. Of course you can't help but fall in love with these sweet kids. :-) I also felt pretty comfortable with Caryn. I am very fun and crazy with kids that will be fun and crazy too. But... I have always been so nervous around the parents simply because of my shyness. Caryn ended up hiring me. I was so excited. I had babysat before but one, this was 2 very little ones. Two, with Caryn being a nurse, it was pretty long days. My first day I fell in love with Caryn! She had typed out such a detailed schedule and notes. If you know me, you know I am the queen of schedules and lists. I remember making schedules for my days way back to when I was about 7. Lol.
I remember taking notes throughout the day. I am sure Caryn thought I was crazy and wanted to just say "will you just shut up and go home so I can go to sleep?" :-) But I started off telling her about every little thing throughout the day. "Olyvia ate this food, but not this food" Ethan did the funniest thing!" Haha. I finally cut down my notes to more important things like "what does this word mean?" Because it really is a new language! :-)
After some time Carlos was getting ready to come back from deployment. I was so nervous! I felt like I already knew him because I would talk with the kids about him. We would color pictures for him. It was insisted that I hug "daddy" (daddy doll) good night. And I read this adorable book about throwing stars back and forth with daddy ( pretty sure I cried reading that book the first couple times). But now the real life "daddy" was coming home. Ahhh! I don't really know why I was so nervous ... now I do! Lol I am just kidding Carlos! :-)
I have loved watching these kids grow. Especially these ages. 1 to 3 and 2 to 4. Such big changes. I love them very much. Brian really enjoys them too, and is amazing at helping me when they are here. Even though he "doesn't get paid to watch them" Ahaha!
We had thought about surrogacy in a "what if" scenario, but it is a very scary thing trusting your child for a full 9 months, where depending on what book you read everything in their life affects the baby. But I remember from the very beginning, impressed with the way Caryn takes care of herself. In parenting, she reminds me so much of the type of parents, my parents were. I honestly have so much trust in her, and no more worry than if it was I carrying the baby. Actually even more trust because she has been pregnant before. I do worry about how many times she will hate me and what percentage of those will be true.
I think another large worry is that something happens and splits us. I know this is going to be a very bonding experience since we will see each other so often. However, there are 2 very emotional women. I won't be having my hormones go haywire but I know I will be emotional.
I do ask if anyone has been in this situation before please leave me a comment or email me with any advice to make the emotional part go smoothly.
IP's (Intended Parents) Check "Resources" tab for links relating to this post.
This has been one crazy week. We are going to be moving next weekend, and FORTUNATELY I will get almost a week to clean. But at the moment, I am trying to get rid of as much stuff as can. We have a huge walk-in closet in the playroom, and I am getting it close to half full! Everything that is packed, I am putting in the outside storage, so I can not see it, and won't try to re-pack it! Lol. You have no idea how crazy I am with that kind of stuff.
The majority of this week, I have been doing research (with the help of our wonderful pod!). We have both been looking for the best way to handle the legal process. Apparently California is a "surrogate friendly state" but they have some very specific laws that have to be followed in order to make sure the baby is ours after birth, and to make it so Brian and My names are on the birth certificate. So... searching for a good ~cheapish...;-) lol~ lawyer.
OK.... so we have chosen the fertility clinic and had our first consult. Buuuttt.... now we are trying to find the best way to finance all of this. These are the options that I am finding:
Grants- There are many groups that do grants for IVF.
The ones that I can find are for specific health/fertility issues. Can't find anything for liver disease, or simply unable to carry a baby full term. Some I have found just do not fit in the time frame we have to work with. If we got the application in on time (some of the dates have already passed for 2013 grants), we would not find out till Fall...ish if we received the grant. Then, the money is not released to the clinic until January of 2013 and we would have to have used the money by the end of 2013. With Brian leaving for about 8 months around the beginning of 2013, it would be pushing it, and possibly losing our opportunity (and surrogate?) :-) If we even could wait, there is too much that could happen in within both our families in another year and a half that could take our baby away.... wow! I am going to try not to write "could" again tonight! Lol.
Loans- Filled out as many medical loan applications as I can find. Praying for some good news to come early next week.
Many people are helping me with some fundraisers. I am excited to plan a few events.
CUT, CUT, CUT!!! Starting fresh with a new budget! Analyzing every part. Already, the move will help quite a bit.
Finally, some clinics do a Donor Oocyte (egg) Program. This is where they decrease some of the cost by matching you with someone who needs eggs. So they just do the same as you would a normal IVF harvesting but then you would split the number of eggs that you have produced in that cycle, which would effect (affect? I can never remember) the odds of success.... I would guess. But I guess that would also depend on the number of eggs harvested, because we are only going to do 1-2 eggs.... hmmm.... Something to think about.... This may also require us to start before planned.
So we have to get some plans in order so that we can know what clinic we can work with, but we have to wait for word back from a clinic to know if the Donor Oocyte Program is possible for me. Thus... Chicken or the egg (haha...egg) :-)
Ok... That is what I have been doing this week. I will put some of the links on the "Resources" page for others that are playing the link game....Click here, gives you 2 more options...Click on one of those, but you have to open both so you can compare... oh! yay! more links to click on!!!... Before you know it you have 40 tabs open (no...sadly I am not exaggerating). Thank goodness for Firefox's ability to group tabs!
I hope this is able to help someone that is looking for all the options that are out there. Aaaannndd.... if you have any recommendations, let me know. :-)
The video below is so perfect right now. AND it has butterflies in every picture! I know it was there just for me to see and listen to so I can remember to continue searching, but know that what is meant to be will happen. He will make a way.
After 5 years of marriage, we decided it was time to seriously start thinking about a family. If you don't know my history, I have a liver disease that I have been dealing with for the last 4 years. After speaking to a few different doctors, we were advised to not get pregnant, as the risks of fatality are too great for both the baby and me. This decision was made while Brian was still deployed in Afghanistan. We decided we were going to wait for another year or so to search other options, whether it be surrogacy or adoption.
About a month after Brian returned home, I received a message from a friend, offering to carry a baby for us! I was in tears. I was amazed (and still am) at this wonderful gift she is willing to give. Brian and I talked and prayed about it, and after a couple weeks, gave her our answer: "We want to have a baby with you!" :-) I only told a few people, because I did not want to "jinx" it. I still am nervous about everyone knowing, and I am scared to be so excited. I know there are so many things that could happen that could make it not happen. But I finally decided that I am going to be excited! I am going to be completely open to it. If for no other reason, than to have the prayers of all our friends and family behind us.
Being able to share about this is so exciting. I am so anxious! My friend (Caryn) and I have gotten to know each other over the last 2 years. I have been watching her 2 babies and watched them grow. I could not have picked a better surrogate. I have no fear of trusting her with our baby through the pregnancy. I am excited that she will be able to be part of our families life forever. I am excited that her family is also excited about this, and I am loving getting to know them better. This child she is helping us bring to our lives is going to have so many people that love him/her.
