It is STILL March!!

Thank you everyone for a renewed support of this whole process. Everytime I say those words, they just don't seem to be enough. But I will say it anyway. :-)

I HAVE to share this story from a woman I met the other day. I was babysitting Ethan and Olyvia, and we walked to "their" park. Right after I said "10 minutes", a group came to the park so we stayed longer, because they LOVE playing with "friends"! I ended up talking with one of the moms for a while, about a lot of stuff, but I just loved her story. If I would have thought about it, I would have asked if I could share her story, but never did even get her name, I am only sharing the basics of what she told me, so hopefully this is ok...

Anyway, she was told she could never have kids. She was on birth control (Depo shot), and ended up getting pregnant! Difficult pregnancy and delivery, NICU, and now she has an awesome 8 year old boy! Then she started the pill... Hello, now 7 year old boy! Next, the patch. Next week is her daughters 5th birthday! And of course.... IUD. "(She) brought it out with her like a toy!" She said of her 2 year old daughter.

Four kids! Not only were they "not supposed to be born", they were that tiny "failure rate" of birth control.

It amazes me how God works! Being in the "infertility world" I know the thoughts of the women in this boat with me. I can not help but think "WHY!? Why can she accidentally get pregnant 4 times ESPECIALLY after being told that she wouldn't be able to."

This was just so in line with my post last week, that I had to share it. I am so thankful that I met her, and was able to see the amazing miracle God worked in her life. I can't wait to see our miracle, whatever/whenever it might be!

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Back in "Stone/Mata World"

I was so happy we were back on track last weekend when I got to see all of Caryn's family for Ethan's birthday! It made me realize that one of the best parts of this surrogacy is the blessing to be able to share this part of our lives with this family. Just another reminder of our infinite blessings and the love that this baby will have.

We have gotten a tentative calendar from the nurses this week. We are looking at egg retrieval sometime around the 25th of April. Then the IVF around the 27th of May. Yay for dates!! Even though they are tentative, we are true Military Wives and tentative this far in advance is AMAZING! Lol. We can work with that! 

Injections for both of us will be starting in 3-4 weeks. BUT... all meds are ordered, and in the mail!!! YAY!

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Unrelated Life Info

We have been approved for base housing, and I even got to "pick one out"! Set to move in mid-April. I am overlapping a little bit of time, as I have a conference the weekend before the lease here is up. Also, that is exactly around the time I will be needing to go to Arizona for egg retrieval. I am Sooo excited! 

I have been able to email with Brian quite a bit. He is doing fine. He wants me to pass on his love and thanks to everyone. 

NEPHEW IS COMING!!! Well, not yet, but I don't even know what happened to this week, so I know it will be before I know it! Next couple weeks! So excited for Patrick and Laura!! 

What a Month!! News!

Yes, I am still here.... It has been a full month since I have blogged. I had so many planned blogs for last month, but every time I started to write, I couldn't put anything into words.

The one thing that has been constantly running through my mind is this conference that I went to in February. My sister in law found it, and sent me to it. It is "Choose Joy: Surviving Infertility & Adoption". It was so amazing to meet this group of women that were involved in putting this event together. It was equally amazing to meet all the women that joined from all over San Diego and Orange County. I wish I could tell you all about the whole event. I WILL say, if you are on a journey of infertility or adoption, you MUST go to this conference next year (I am assuming they are going to do it again, as well as it turned out).

There was one session that I went to that day that just blessed me! The woman's name who spoke, was Rachel Goode. You can read her blog, Heirs With Christ. I have not dug into it yet, only read a couple posts. But I will be. I loved listening to her with her strong, Southern accent (I think Alabama?). Her session was titled "God's Heart for the Hurting; Waiting Hurts, Waiting Perfects." Another reason I loved her session was her "19 points"! I LOVE taking notes, and I love when speakers speak with that in mind. Anyway... the "meat of the session":




You do not know if you will get what you are praying for: Ephesians 3:20 says that God will "accomplish infinitely more then we might ask or think."

God's timing is different and mysterious, yet it is perfect! II Peter 3:9 says Despite what we think, God is not being slow, He is being patient for our sake. Making sure we are ready for his gift.

Plan "A" did NOT fail. Everything that happens is God's "Plan A". We may be on our "Plan Q" but God is checking each step off his list still on "Plan A". I LOVE THIS!!

I was going to say this is my favorite lesson from that day, but they were all amazing. God's mercy is what keeps him from revealing his plan and purpose. We would not be able to comprehend the vast "tapestry" (AWESOME analogy from Rachel) that is His plan. Our lives, and this one situation are just a TINY portion of the BACK of this beautiful tapestry. It looks sooo jumbled, but if you see the other side, you see how beautiful that piece is, though it is just a portion.

I learned a lot in this session with Rachel, but I also have felt these things SO strongly, and just not had the right words to put with them. 

I have seen these things play out in our lives one after another. I can remember so many of the MAJOR pains in my life. The feeling of (what I thought was) despair. I think of the minor TIMING "problems" that "ruined my plans". I could go on and on with every one, but I can tell you AT LEAST one good to amazing thing that came out of that pain.

My first memory of "despair" was when my parents, brothers and I moved from California. I was only 7 or 8. I remember the night we said goodbye to my grandparents was the last night we were there. We had the fifth wheel and were staying in the driveway. I was balling my eyes out that night. But I can tell you I am so grateful for that pain. I still am sad for the missed times with family in California, but I am appreciative of EVERY moment I get with them now. I am grateful for the pain that took us out of a home that I knew for a few years and took us to Idaho, creating the AMAZING life that I have now.

I am sooo grateful for the pain of break ups with boyfriends (few that I had), and for the 2 "non-boyfriends" (different times of life) that I prayed about and cried over for years! (Don't judge... you all had at least one.)

Yadda, Yadda, Yadda, a hundred different situations in my life.

I am grateful that I NEEDED a job at the beginning of 2010, finally finding a 2-3 day a week babysitting job for 2 little kids. EASY-PEASY!

I am grateful that Brian "would not let me move" out of the apartment I wanted to move out of, as I met an amazing friend that has been such a solid support.

I am grateful for the stressful months of feeling like the surrogacy was never going to start.
I am grateful for the negative pregnancy test.
I am grateful for the realization this weekend that we could not do this financially in the amount of time that we have.
I am grateful for the 18 hours of pain after canceling the process for good (planning to revisit options when Brian got home and we could communicate within a 24 hour time frame).
I am grateful for the fear, stress, etc of telling a couple family members of our decision.


These are just the "BAD" things that I am grateful for! Haha! I will share the good stuff some other time, but I don't think I will ever be able to share everything. 

Don't worry. That is not the end. Through my phone calls, we were presented with a long term option, that we were going to think/pray/talk about. (So grateful for that offer! <3 )

We were then presented with a more immediate option (not sure on the details of sharing this information yet, so I will fill you in if I am able to).

After giving Caryn approximately 24 hours, to grasp the shock and freedom :-) of no longer going through with this, I then became grateful for the STRESS and FEAR of having to ASK Caryn to be a surrogate. Yes, I know it has been the plan all along, but it "was over". She said "Yes"! ( "I said wow...she said when... I said how about right now..." Sorry. Brad Paisley was singing in my head as I typed that last sentence. Had to share with you. Lol).

SO... in the end, we are right back where we started when you read Caryn's last post. However, I feel like it is a completely new process! There has been such a myriad of emotions, thoughts, and conversations since Monday. I feel rejuvenated and ready. I am reminded of the "village" that is with us through every step. I am more ready now then EVER for Brian and I to have a family.

Thank you all for your continued love, support, and prayers! Every one of you are so special to us.

Great Start to 2013 and Auction Numbers!

I feel like I have been going nonstop this last month! Love it, because the deployment is flying by, and I am not getting much contact with Brian right now. But, that means that time is passing that we are not starting on the next round of IVF. No real new information in the surrogacy world this month. Going in to talk to insurance company in person this week, and hopefully doing taxes this week. After that, I will have a MUCH better timeline of when everything is going to happen.

AUCTION: AGAIN, Thank you all so much for participating in the auction! All items have been shipped. With the exception of 2, you should all be receiving them within the next 3-4 days. I have done all the final numbers, and the total raised was $869.00!! After Shipping and Paypal charges, the total is $704.05!! That is AMAZING! In addition, we also had a couple donations during that week. We are so, so grateful for all of you! 

Here are a few highlights from this year so far!

I Made Supervisor in HERBALIFE!

Baby Brother, Patrick's 26th Birthday!

Sis-In-Law, Monica, Opens

ALETHEIA DSGNS!!

My First January Spectacular Conference

Sis-In-Law, Laura's Baby Shower!

Surrogacy Online Auction

Watch for another post this weekend, because I am going to be having a very exciting "Surrogacy Journey" day tomorrow!! 
 

AUCTION!!!

 

 Under the menu, click on "Auction". This will take you to all the items, guidelines and item menu. 

 

 

Thank you so much! 

Good Luck!

Upcoming Event!!!

A New Hope

All through this last week, "Hope" has remained in our hearts. We are not giving up. We want a family. 

 After speaking with Brian, Caryn, and Dr. Nemiro, we decided that it we want to try again. We have no more embryos, but we do still have Brian's sperm. We will be going through the egg retrieval again, and the IVF. I have been laying out the plans over the last few days. The goal is to start on this either first week of January or first week of February. If all goes well, that would put the transfer at the beginning of March or April. Excitement is starting to grow again. So grateful that she and Carlos are willing to go through this again.

I know this is completely not what we had planned. We were not prepared to have to try again. It seems crazy to go through the financial stress and the risk of it not taking again. We are going forward with our eyes wide open. This IS an emotional decision, because that is what this is all about. Our emotional desire for this baby. However, we have thought through it all. What all we will have to do without, what we have to give up, how the stress may effect our relationship, and how it all will effect our future. It seems like so much, but the reward will make everything worth it. Nothing that we have to give up will take the place of how blessed our lives will be with a child.

Again, we all want to do this ASAP. All the same reasons apply. There is no garauntee how long either of our families will be living here in 2014. Also, we have some testing, physicals, etc that already apply and will not have to be redone if we can do it in the correct amount of time.

At the end of everything, we have paid just under $40,000 with hotel, fuel, meds, etc. With a discount that Dr. Nemiro is giving us and some of the things that will not have to be repeated, our budget is $25,000. This will also cover a third round of IVF if there are enough embryos and it is necessary. This amount seems so big first of all because it is what I originally thought our budget was for the first cycle. But this time, I know what extras are necessary. There will not be any surprises. I have revamped the "Financial Info" tab to show our details. I will have the "Fundraisers" tab back up when I recreate that.

I have 2 things I am working on right now. I am selling our 2 cars, and getting 1 car with low, low payments. Just something to get me by for a few months. Then we will have to figure out our transportation issues after Brian gets home. Secondly, I am working on "MINIMIZING" I am selling everything!... mostly. I do want to apologize to friends and family about this. I am having to make some tough decisions on things. There may be some things that you have given me. I hope that I do not insult anybody by this. If you do see something that insults you are saddens you that I am selling, please tell me and I won't. This is just where we are right now. Brian has decided to sell his car that he was wanting for so long, and he loves. I am cutting our DVD collection in half! I am selling some of my organizing supplies, and craft stuff! For those of you that know us, you know the meaning of that. ;-)

I hope you all can understand our decision, and be happy for us. I fear that some may think we are being irresponsible about this. Please... if you do, just keep it to yourself or don't follow us on FB and the blogs. Sorry if that sounds harsh. We have thought this through from every angle, and are supported by our immediate families (and Caryn and Carlos). I do not have the emotional strength to argue it with anyone. 

We are so blessed to have so many prayers, love and support from all of you.