Surprise!!!

SHE IS PREGNANT!!!

I am still kinda in shock, and still waiting to wake up, but it is real!

I know, we weren't supposed to find out until Friday, but originally the test was supposed to be Thursday (or Wednesday?) but with Caryn's work schedule, we decided to wait so we could go together on Friday. So, we are pretty much right on time!

Caryn will have the details from her side on her blog, My Pod Their Pea when she is able to.

I got a text from Caryn this morning saying that she had some bleeding and she thought it was implantation bleeding. I was freaking out, because I did not realize that this was a good thing! It is actually a sign of pregnancy. Finally, I was on the same page, and we were both excited! She put a call into the nurse at the clinic, and I told her to go ahead and get the results from last Friday's blood test.

Caryn called me later to tell me that she talked to the nurse and her levels on Friday were very positive!

She sent me the wonderful picture at end of post after taking a pee test today! :-)

I drove up to have lunch with Brian, and was able to tell him in person! I have been quite emotional all day! LOVE IT!!

Caryn will still be having the blood test on Friday, and then in about (3 weeks?) we will be headed back to Arizona for an ultrasound!

I can't believe we are here! Thank you everyone for all your thoughts and prayers! Can't wait to share this next chapter with you all!

July

The retrieval is done. It was a little disappointing. They only got 5 eggs. Of those, only 1 was mature, but they inseminated them all anyway. All 5 fertilized. On day 5/6 only 4 were still growing. That day, they were biopsied for the chromosome testing and frozen. The results from the testing came back with only 2 "normal" embryos.

Facts to make myself feel better about the results:
*They will only implant 2 embryos to Caryn
*Caryn will not be able to do another round afterwards
*We really only started with 1 (rest not matured) and 2 is better then 1
*No extra charges for storage or decisions about any extra embryos.

But...it still feels like my body failed us again.

Caryn is getting ready for the transfer. She has had a couple visits to Arizona for them to do some tests and make sure everything is going well. The trips have been there and back all in the same day. Long days, but works best with the kids since I would normally watch them, plus nice to just have one day for it and be done. She has more details on her blog post about her appointments. July 12th we are going back to make sure her uterus is starting to look "homey" for the embryos. Then we will drive out on the 17th for the transfer on the 18th. We are staying in Arizona a little longer this time. First of all, the clinic wants to do blood tests on her on the 22nd and 23rd. So that will give her 5 days of bed rest at a hotel with me waiting on her hand and foot! Lol!

Anxious and excited about everything this month. Trying to remember to still enjoy each day, because I am just ready for it to be July 29th and have results of pregnancy test. That is the fork in the road.

Retrieval Week!

So much has happened since I last blogged! Major event is BRIAN IS HOME!!! This was a "short" deployment (compared to others) but with everything since December, I have to say it was definitely the most difficult being away from each other. Everything worked out that his leave falls exactly when the retrieval is! I am so grateful for that!

We arrived in Phoenix last Thursday for an ultrasound to see how I have been reacting to the meds. Everything looked fine. Had an appointment on Friday for another ultrasound, physical, and blood draw. Met with the Doctor on Monday, to go through all the paperwork, and to see when the follicles (eggs) would be ready for retrieval. He said that the last couple months, he has been pushing everyone an extra day then what he has always done, and they have been having even better results. Basically, normally they "trigger" you when the average follicles are 18mm, but pushing it one day after to get closer to 20/21mm. Yesterday, most of mine were about 16/17mm. Ultrasound today, they were closer to 18/19. He said there are about 12+/-.

I take my "trigger" injection tonight. It is red. I remember that from last time, but it still kinda freaks me out. Haha! Tomorrow I will be taking no medications. Thursday morning is the day of retrieval!!

Friday we will find out how many eggs fertilized. Sunday, we will get a "Day 3" update, and then Tuesday will be "Day 5" and they will biopsy (for chromosome testing) and freeze. That is one week from today!

This week I have really been allowing myself to be excited again! All the build up to this, I have just been nervous. Just trying to protect my heart, I guess. But I have to let that go. I am looking forward!

Brian and I have really enjoyed our time relaxing here. We have been at the pool almost every day, and the condo is right next to some hiking trails. We have only gone on those once, but it was a great little hike.

Also during this week, Caryn has started her meds, and we now have a date for the IVF! July 22! Yay! So happy to be seeing everything coming together. 

Update

I have been needing to update for a while now. I think I have been nervous. Everything was so open and every step updated last time. I really just haven't wanted to share my thoughts and feelings as we start this new round. I have managed to push everything down over the last 5 months, but since I started back on my protocol, with every step written out with dates, everything is starting to surface again. All the pain and loneliness in December is right back in the front of my mind. The fears of the same thing happening looming in. It is burying me. I just want to hide away until it is all over one way or another. But how I have been handling this has done horrible things to my health, friendships, and business.

I have gotta figure something out because the one injection that I have been on for 2 weeks is going to change to 3 injections, and one pill. This is the "stronger protocol" this time. I am assuming it is going to make me pretty crazy. I have set up my Herbalife stuff in the kitchen and have successfully been eating correctly and exercising 1 day in a row! Today will be #2! Then my Herbalife conference this weekend is sure to give me some great motivation. (along with a little "cheat" dinner in Long Beach to see my cousin) The thing I keep telling myself is that allowing this "self-pitty-party" to go on is only going to increase the possibility of negative results.

I should be starting the rest of the meds in the next day or 2. I will have a blood test and ultrasound here in Cali, then sometime the last week of April/first week of May (depends on results from Cali ultrasound) I will be going to Scottsdale, AZ. They are saying the retrieval should be on the 3rd or 4th of May.

Since I will need a driver, Caryn will be coming as close as possible to retrieval day, since she has to have some tests done there anyways.

It is STILL March!!

Thank you everyone for a renewed support of this whole process. Everytime I say those words, they just don't seem to be enough. But I will say it anyway. :-)

I HAVE to share this story from a woman I met the other day. I was babysitting Ethan and Olyvia, and we walked to "their" park. Right after I said "10 minutes", a group came to the park so we stayed longer, because they LOVE playing with "friends"! I ended up talking with one of the moms for a while, about a lot of stuff, but I just loved her story. If I would have thought about it, I would have asked if I could share her story, but never did even get her name, I am only sharing the basics of what she told me, so hopefully this is ok...

Anyway, she was told she could never have kids. She was on birth control (Depo shot), and ended up getting pregnant! Difficult pregnancy and delivery, NICU, and now she has an awesome 8 year old boy! Then she started the pill... Hello, now 7 year old boy! Next, the patch. Next week is her daughters 5th birthday! And of course.... IUD. "(She) brought it out with her like a toy!" She said of her 2 year old daughter.

Four kids! Not only were they "not supposed to be born", they were that tiny "failure rate" of birth control.

It amazes me how God works! Being in the "infertility world" I know the thoughts of the women in this boat with me. I can not help but think "WHY!? Why can she accidentally get pregnant 4 times ESPECIALLY after being told that she wouldn't be able to."

This was just so in line with my post last week, that I had to share it. I am so thankful that I met her, and was able to see the amazing miracle God worked in her life. I can't wait to see our miracle, whatever/whenever it might be!

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Back in "Stone/Mata World"

I was so happy we were back on track last weekend when I got to see all of Caryn's family for Ethan's birthday! It made me realize that one of the best parts of this surrogacy is the blessing to be able to share this part of our lives with this family. Just another reminder of our infinite blessings and the love that this baby will have.

We have gotten a tentative calendar from the nurses this week. We are looking at egg retrieval sometime around the 25th of April. Then the IVF around the 27th of May. Yay for dates!! Even though they are tentative, we are true Military Wives and tentative this far in advance is AMAZING! Lol. We can work with that! 

Injections for both of us will be starting in 3-4 weeks. BUT... all meds are ordered, and in the mail!!! YAY!

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Unrelated Life Info

We have been approved for base housing, and I even got to "pick one out"! Set to move in mid-April. I am overlapping a little bit of time, as I have a conference the weekend before the lease here is up. Also, that is exactly around the time I will be needing to go to Arizona for egg retrieval. I am Sooo excited! 

I have been able to email with Brian quite a bit. He is doing fine. He wants me to pass on his love and thanks to everyone. 

NEPHEW IS COMING!!! Well, not yet, but I don't even know what happened to this week, so I know it will be before I know it! Next couple weeks! So excited for Patrick and Laura!! 

What a Month!! News!

Yes, I am still here.... It has been a full month since I have blogged. I had so many planned blogs for last month, but every time I started to write, I couldn't put anything into words.

The one thing that has been constantly running through my mind is this conference that I went to in February. My sister in law found it, and sent me to it. It is "Choose Joy: Surviving Infertility & Adoption". It was so amazing to meet this group of women that were involved in putting this event together. It was equally amazing to meet all the women that joined from all over San Diego and Orange County. I wish I could tell you all about the whole event. I WILL say, if you are on a journey of infertility or adoption, you MUST go to this conference next year (I am assuming they are going to do it again, as well as it turned out).

There was one session that I went to that day that just blessed me! The woman's name who spoke, was Rachel Goode. You can read her blog, Heirs With Christ. I have not dug into it yet, only read a couple posts. But I will be. I loved listening to her with her strong, Southern accent (I think Alabama?). Her session was titled "God's Heart for the Hurting; Waiting Hurts, Waiting Perfects." Another reason I loved her session was her "19 points"! I LOVE taking notes, and I love when speakers speak with that in mind. Anyway... the "meat of the session":




You do not know if you will get what you are praying for: Ephesians 3:20 says that God will "accomplish infinitely more then we might ask or think."

God's timing is different and mysterious, yet it is perfect! II Peter 3:9 says Despite what we think, God is not being slow, He is being patient for our sake. Making sure we are ready for his gift.

Plan "A" did NOT fail. Everything that happens is God's "Plan A". We may be on our "Plan Q" but God is checking each step off his list still on "Plan A". I LOVE THIS!!

I was going to say this is my favorite lesson from that day, but they were all amazing. God's mercy is what keeps him from revealing his plan and purpose. We would not be able to comprehend the vast "tapestry" (AWESOME analogy from Rachel) that is His plan. Our lives, and this one situation are just a TINY portion of the BACK of this beautiful tapestry. It looks sooo jumbled, but if you see the other side, you see how beautiful that piece is, though it is just a portion.

I learned a lot in this session with Rachel, but I also have felt these things SO strongly, and just not had the right words to put with them. 

I have seen these things play out in our lives one after another. I can remember so many of the MAJOR pains in my life. The feeling of (what I thought was) despair. I think of the minor TIMING "problems" that "ruined my plans". I could go on and on with every one, but I can tell you AT LEAST one good to amazing thing that came out of that pain.

My first memory of "despair" was when my parents, brothers and I moved from California. I was only 7 or 8. I remember the night we said goodbye to my grandparents was the last night we were there. We had the fifth wheel and were staying in the driveway. I was balling my eyes out that night. But I can tell you I am so grateful for that pain. I still am sad for the missed times with family in California, but I am appreciative of EVERY moment I get with them now. I am grateful for the pain that took us out of a home that I knew for a few years and took us to Idaho, creating the AMAZING life that I have now.

I am sooo grateful for the pain of break ups with boyfriends (few that I had), and for the 2 "non-boyfriends" (different times of life) that I prayed about and cried over for years! (Don't judge... you all had at least one.)

Yadda, Yadda, Yadda, a hundred different situations in my life.

I am grateful that I NEEDED a job at the beginning of 2010, finally finding a 2-3 day a week babysitting job for 2 little kids. EASY-PEASY!

I am grateful that Brian "would not let me move" out of the apartment I wanted to move out of, as I met an amazing friend that has been such a solid support.

I am grateful for the stressful months of feeling like the surrogacy was never going to start.
I am grateful for the negative pregnancy test.
I am grateful for the realization this weekend that we could not do this financially in the amount of time that we have.
I am grateful for the 18 hours of pain after canceling the process for good (planning to revisit options when Brian got home and we could communicate within a 24 hour time frame).
I am grateful for the fear, stress, etc of telling a couple family members of our decision.


These are just the "BAD" things that I am grateful for! Haha! I will share the good stuff some other time, but I don't think I will ever be able to share everything. 

Don't worry. That is not the end. Through my phone calls, we were presented with a long term option, that we were going to think/pray/talk about. (So grateful for that offer! <3 )

We were then presented with a more immediate option (not sure on the details of sharing this information yet, so I will fill you in if I am able to).

After giving Caryn approximately 24 hours, to grasp the shock and freedom :-) of no longer going through with this, I then became grateful for the STRESS and FEAR of having to ASK Caryn to be a surrogate. Yes, I know it has been the plan all along, but it "was over". She said "Yes"! ( "I said wow...she said when... I said how about right now..." Sorry. Brad Paisley was singing in my head as I typed that last sentence. Had to share with you. Lol).

SO... in the end, we are right back where we started when you read Caryn's last post. However, I feel like it is a completely new process! There has been such a myriad of emotions, thoughts, and conversations since Monday. I feel rejuvenated and ready. I am reminded of the "village" that is with us through every step. I am more ready now then EVER for Brian and I to have a family.

Thank you all for your continued love, support, and prayers! Every one of you are so special to us.

Great Start to 2013 and Auction Numbers!

I feel like I have been going nonstop this last month! Love it, because the deployment is flying by, and I am not getting much contact with Brian right now. But, that means that time is passing that we are not starting on the next round of IVF. No real new information in the surrogacy world this month. Going in to talk to insurance company in person this week, and hopefully doing taxes this week. After that, I will have a MUCH better timeline of when everything is going to happen.

AUCTION: AGAIN, Thank you all so much for participating in the auction! All items have been shipped. With the exception of 2, you should all be receiving them within the next 3-4 days. I have done all the final numbers, and the total raised was $869.00!! After Shipping and Paypal charges, the total is $704.05!! That is AMAZING! In addition, we also had a couple donations during that week. We are so, so grateful for all of you! 

Here are a few highlights from this year so far!

I Made Supervisor in HERBALIFE!

Baby Brother, Patrick's 26th Birthday!

Sis-In-Law, Monica, Opens

ALETHEIA DSGNS!!

My First January Spectacular Conference

Sis-In-Law, Laura's Baby Shower!

Surrogacy Online Auction

Watch for another post this weekend, because I am going to be having a very exciting "Surrogacy Journey" day tomorrow!!