Is He Here Yet?!

I know I am not caught up here on the details of all that has been happening, but just needed to write this out and share.

Kind of hurting tonight. Just really feeling the reality of Oliver coming soon, and that is magnifying the fact that I am not carrying him.

I am so anxious for him to be born. I want to hold him, and be close to him.
I think that I have focused so much on the amazing miracles that have happened and I really have been pushing these feelings of loss down every day. Any time it comes to mind, I just remind myself how lucky and blessed we are to have what we have. But I can't ignore the loss forever. This is the part of being a woman that I have lost. A part of being a mother. I have dealt with it on the surface, but my heart has to accept it.

I know everyone will say all those feelings will go away as soon as I hold him, but that is not true (though they will not be front of my mind at the time). The loss is just part of me now and hopefully God will help me to deal with that soon without overwhelming me with the grief.

In the mean time, I am organizing all his stuff daily and just waiting patiently (kinda) to hold my baby.