If you have been following our story, you know the background, but just as a refresher:
When we decided to try for a baby in
2011, we wanted to get approval since I am on medications to control
my Autoimmune Hepatitis and Non-Alcoholic Liver Cirrhosis. I spoke to
a number of OB/GYN doctors. All said that my situation would create
too high risk pregnancy that they would be unable to handle my care.
After understanding the risks of fatality for both the child and me,
we agreed that pregnancy was not an option. Brian was on his second
deployment to Afghanistan at this time, so we decided to discuss our
options once he returned home.
Two months after Brian's homecoming, Caryn asked me if we had looked into surrogacy. She offered to carry the baby for us for no compensation. She said she knew that I would be a great mother, and wanted to help me get there. I was in shock, then Brian and I talked about it, and we decided that we would do it!
We hadn't had an opportunity to save up
for this kind of expense because we never thought it would be
necessary. We want to do this while both families are stationed here
together, and while Caryn is still willing to do it. The military insurance does not pay for infertility
treatments, and although there is a strong community of support in the military, the
income received is low. We are doing anything we can to save money, and many friends
and family are helping to raise money. We are having difficulty
getting approved for a loan of that amount, because of the income. We
both want so badly to have a child, and we have been given this
AMAZING gift from Caryn. We are so grateful to all the support we
have received. We just don't want to lose this opportunity!
Our families are so excited for this process. This child that we are trying to get to, is already loved
by so many! Even Caryn's family is in love already. I am so happy
that we will be able to provide so much love!
Before we started on this journey, I was
unaware how common infertility is. Until you are in the
position, you don't realize how much of a loss you feel when you are
unable to have that child you so badly want.It hurts because it feels that we have been told we were unable
to have children, but it is also a choice that we have had to make. Wanting so badly to have a child, but
choosing not to try. There are so many times that I get so stressed with the financial part of the surrogacy, and I just think: "Just forget this. I can most likely get pregnant (never tried) so why not save $40,000 and just do this the old fashioned way.... then the insurance pays for any complications that may come up." I quickly shake that out of my head, knowing that I do not want to go through the loss of a child.
I do have difficulty with asking for help with this. I feel like we are undeserving, because we haven't been on this path for years like many couples. We have not dealt with the heartache of losing babies before they are fully developed. We have not been trying for so long to get pregnant and have been unable to. But, we do know that we will be devastated if this opportunity slips away because of money. I have just been in a fog the past week with the worry of how this is going to happen. So excited for the time to be coming up, but trying to decide if we need to push back one more month.
God is teaching me how to "give myself a cushion". Plan to get things done before they "need to be done". I can't wait till tomorrow to work on a fundraiser. I need tomorrow for the next step.
We are doing a silent auction August 15th through August 19th. We are looking for anyone who makes something or has a business to donate to the auction. Even if you have something around the house that is unused or gently used. Please contact one of us and we can add it to the auction. Anything and everything is appreciated. If you are unable to donate an item or service, please keep an eye out for the auction and join in on the bidding. We already have some amazing items.
5 comments:
This came to me while reading this post.
2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT) ~
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
and "We can do all things through Him who strengthens us" - Phil 4:13
You not only have soooo many people here on earth who love you, Brian, and the Mata's but our Heavenly Father too. He's gotten you this far, He'll see you through. Love you SOOOO much! *HUGS*
I just discovered your blog through twitter and I can't even imagine what you are going through & all that you ate feeling! I would love to donate something for your auction. Im on my phone but if you can please email me at totshop728@yahoo.com I can get you some info. My shop is crocheting4baby.etsy.com. Praying for you that it all goes as smooth as possible!
My husband and I tried for 2 years to get pregnant. We were actually about to start clomid and an IUI when the test came up +. Like you, we didn't have any losses, didnt have any failed IUI/IVF cycles. And then to just spontaneously become pregnant, made me feel really guilty, almost like this whole time I was only pretending to have infertility. I do remember the sense of loss at thinking you'll never be able to have your own kids, and I remember people acting really cavalier about it, like "oh you're only in your 20's. Just chill out." But the worst was the people who said "just adopt". Like we could just walk into a store, pick a kid off a shelf, and walk out.
I hope your IVF/surrogacy is successful!
I am sorry! I missed your message! Ia hoping to do another auction in November for "Christmas Shopping "!! I will get with you next month to see if you are still interested in donating. Your shop is super cute! Thank you for the prayers! Also if you are able to spread the word to some friends that would be amazing! Thanks!
Thank you for sharing, Laura. I know exactly what you mean. We purposely waited until we were ready and knew that we are still young. The adoption thing has really been weighing on my mind also. It really isn't the same and I have friends that are going through the samestress and financial burdens trying to adopt. People try to help...I always try to remember that when the "insensitivity" comes out. I am sooooo happy for you and your "BFP" (big fat positive... I just learned that in one of the infertility forums...lol). Those of us who try soo long and hard truly know how much of a miracle EVERY child is!
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