Why did we chose surrogacy?
I am still struggling in my mind with all of our past decisions. What if I never drank when I was younger? Would it be ok for me to have a baby now? What if we would have gotten married earlier? What if we decided to have a baby right after we got married, instead of waiting? What if I didn't eat that piece of cake that one day? Would having lost 30 lbs instead of 25 lbs make a difference? The questions just keep coming, and these are only my questions. Brian has questions. I have discovered many of you have questions.... Though very few have asked.
Many questions can not be answered, and dwelling on them will only make this process more stressful. There is one question that I CAN answer.... Why did we chose surrogacy?
The basic answer is: It was right in front of us. We had 3 options: Surrogacy, adoption, or no children. As I have said before, HERE, we had barely had time to process our situation before Caryn offered us this gift. Because of this, there have been times I have felt undeserving. I have chosen to change my thinking on this. Remembering how amazingly blessed we are that we have NOT had to feel that loss.
The 3rd option, no children, is not an option. If that is what is meant to be, it will be. We both have wanted children. We were ready, but my body isn't. "If God wanted you to have children, you would be able to." If this is true, the surrogacy will not work, and the next thing we try will not work. However, we (along with Caryn) believe this is a door God has opened for us. We are meant to go down this path for one reason or another.
What about adoption? I love adoption. Have have seen MANY adoptions, and how amazing it is for the child and the parents. Adoption can be just as expensive as surrogacy. Again...the surrogacy door was opened to us before we started processing.
I love that our baby will be part of us. Growing up, I always loved hearing how much I looked like my mom (and my dad). I love hearing Brian's mom mention the many ways that he reminds her of his father. I love teasing my grandma about our "crazy gene"... obviously inherited from her. :-) I know if we adopted a child, we would love them just as much, but I LOVE that we have this opportunity to have a baby that is part of us.
As for the other questions, I just try to ignore them when they enter my mind. Don't need to make this time any more stressful than it will already be.
2 comments:
Ali, I don't think you can go down the path of the why, since the doctors say they don't know how this "young women's disease" happens. Trust me, I've gone there too. Wondering if I did something, or didn't do something, so you got it. If you had tried earlier to have a child, it's possible you would have found out about your disease while pregnant and maybe not be able to carry it to term. It's one of those things that God knows, and He blessed you with this amazing friend. He has His reasons, and who are we to ask why?
I DO worry about Grandma's "crazy gene" though. ;D (Mom, mwah)
Ali, I am so worried about you, inheriting my crazy gene, but I do know you also got my sweetness gene. This lucky baby, if it takes after me, it ill be wonderful. Ha. We are so happy that Caryn came into your life and that she had two wonderful children that you and Brian could practice on. Ove you both so much.
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